Filipinos Love Their Wedding Favors

Originally, the Mr. & I wanted to nix wedding favors completely. It was something that we thought would be a complete waste of time and money. I couldn't think of a single person I knew who held on to a wedding favor and have my own share of stories from weddings (mostly Filipino!) that had favors that I knew no one would hold on to after the party. Most, in my opinion, were completely useless.

So we thought it would be neat to make a charitable donation to a Filipino organization and an American organization. Yay! Simple enough, right?

Or so I thought. Until I started explaining this to several female relatives.  I didn't really bring up what I was going to do with wedding favors. But they asked! Here is a summary of how the conversations went with three separate people:

Tita: "Oooooh, will you hab your wedding paybors?"
FilAm Bride: "Well, we're thinking about doing a charitable donation instead to one Filipino organization and one American one. I haven't decided which ones yet but I thought it would be nice to do that. We would do it on behalf on the guests. TheFiance and I went to a reception that did something like that and we thought it was nice."
Tita: "Ooooh, hokay. Dat's so nice! Dey will really like dat especially if you pick a group that they know about."
FilAm Bride, thinking to myself: Oh cool!
Tita: "And also, you will hab a paybor, right?"
FilAmBride: *sigh*

Having this conversation with my mom was one thing. But it ended up repeating itself with two other people, both of who immediately asked me about wedding favors shortly after hearing about my engagement. Seriously, WTF. But then I thought a little more and the custom of pasalubong came to mind. I also thought about the prospect of having to explain this to my Lola, in Tagalog, and groaned inside. I'm already in trouble due to language limitations in having to explain to her that Unitarian Universalism, our new religion and wedding ceremony, isn't a Satanic cult.

I then said to TheFiance, "We're probably gonna have to do wedding favors. It's sort of expected, I guess. I thought the donation thing would be fine.  It's not that they disapprove but I just don't think they get that the donations are supposed to be given in lieu of wedding favors. And I am thinking about how annoying it'll be to explain it to anyone else who asks when even my mom won't be able to explain in a way that doesn't make it look bad. It's just easier to have them, I think." I then explained the custom of pasalubong to him, which I unconsciously still practice from time to time when I go on a trip.

In my experience with my own family and interacting with other Filipinos, having "something to take home" is something that's just really important. And as I walk the line between our own liberal, very American relationship and the cultural traditions of my upbringing, I continue to be reminded that sometimes, there are some battles that you need to fight and others that aren't so bad for you to lose. Dealing with wedding favors isn't a big deal in the long run, so long as we don't go broke over it. Compromising the ceremony that we want is a bigger deal and a fight, to us, worth fighting.

Now I'm toying around with favor ideas in my head. I'd like to incorporate knitting somehow, since I am a knitter and it would be a great way to personalize the favors and use my yarn stash.